ME, Netherlands
Rozendaal, Spring 1998
In three seconds I run up the stairs and in one second I am back down again. It would not have come to my 31 year old mind that such a simple thing as effortless running up and down the stairs would delight me completely. A simple action that to me, for the past three years, felt like climbing Mt. Everest. Exhausted, I had to take a break after every two steps, to force my spiritless body to scale the next two steps. Fellow travelers on these stairs, usually the 50+ would watch me full of contempt and make remarks like "such a young girl, come on, do not pose like that"?. How often did I have to fight my tears in order to be able to explain with a weak smile why this young lady was the cruel envelope around a spent, old woman. How do you explain that this young spirit often feels enclosed in a body that has become that of a stranger ? How do you explain that the will is there, but that you have to watch as a spectator how life is passing. Fighting against the frustrating, depressed feelings to stay afloat. No one can teach you how to swim in the pool that is named ME.
February 1995. On just another day I wake up early in the morning with a heavy fatigue in my entire body, that has kept me company since then. The GP said it was stress, whereupon my answer was "I have never been so happy in my entire life. A loving husband, a darling daughter, a bright future"?. May be these were the causes of the stress was the scientific like sounding answer. After being ailing during half a year I wanted a second opinion. I was told that may be I was suffering from a depression. My answer was: "I get depressed from the fact that the doctors do not take me seriously, but it is not the cause for my complaints. Try these anti-depressants, was the second scientific answer. After a week I stopped with those, because I felt my awareness became detached from my body. Eventually I was referred to an Internal specialist, who used every impressive looking apparatus they had. His conclusion was: You are as healthy as possible, you have ME so I advise you to stop looking for a clear cause because science does not have an explanation yet. Go home and accept this.
April 1996. The word was out. The first act was over, so I could withdraw myself from the stage and think about the second act. With all I had in me I began my search for the why and how of ME. Only to find that no one knew the answer. On the one hand, relief because it was not fatal. On the other hand disappointed, because there was no easy cure like taking a pill. But to wait and see is not my nature, so I went to visit a naturopathic doctor. She helped me to process my unprocessed emotions, because after many years of work I finally had time for them, compelled by necessity.
November 1997: A year of hard work at the mental and emotional aspects of my life. The diet without yeast, sugar, bleached flour, mushrooms and I do not remember what not, did not have any effect in the long run. Orthomolecular supplements, Vitamins, Bach remedies, light-therapy, Ozone-therapy, homeopathy ... When you have to search while being ill, often you do not see the next step because it is too complicated. In the end I decided not to become engaged in all sorts of well meant and sometimes effective (for others) therapies. The fear for the next disappointment was after three years to strong, because I noticed that my body was sliding slowly into the black hole called ME. Friends and family came with addresses and friendly but decisively I said that I did not want to waste my energy in the search for the ultimate healer. I had ME as it is called and accepted and included it as an integral part of my life.
In january 1998 I went shopping with my sister. It was irresponsible to go out on my own. My sister parked the car at a reserved spot for invalids near the entrance of the supermarket because I could hardly walk. An elderly couple walked toward us. "Hey there, you are not allowed to park there, that spot is reserved for invalids". I dragged on, my shoulders hanging even more, while my sister reached the boiling point, snapping at them "can't you see she cannot walk?" Apparently a young body should not have any malfunctions. It was the proverbial "one drop too many", because as soon as I was at home I took the wrinkled paper out of my wallet with the address of Mauk den Boer, that had patiently been waiting for a couple of months. In the beginning I watched the amateurish video with testimonials of four of his former patients with a lot of skepticism. Until the last patient, an ME-ster told her story. The fire of hope that I had tried to deny so vehemently, flared again. This woman told that she had had ME for about 13 years and after +/- 15 treatments she was functioning normally again.
A life as a normal human being, would that be possible for me as well ? I did not dare to speak about getting healthy, it was erased from my vocabulary, because I was so afraid that false hope was hanging like Damocles' sword above my head. My life as a vegetable was pretty good organized with sufficient help from a nurse, help in the household, an electric bicycle so I could move around. Not bad for a novice ME-ster.
On January 23rd at 0900 hope won from fear and I made an appointment. My husband coached and accompanied me, because on my own I would never have made it. The reception was very friendly and made me feel relaxed. I was seated in a comfortable treatment chair. The treatment procedure was explained and I was connected to a set of sensors and a radio-transmitter was placed under a foot. I was told that I would hardly notice the signals, but what a sensation it was. From head to toes I felt a wave of energy going through my body. My stomach began to burble like mad, painful stabs came and disappeared, a slight pressure in the head and a tremendous urge to sleep. Impossible not to feel it. I cannot describe what happened after the first session. My body and soul experienced a torrent of improved micro-circulation and I as well as my family was amazed with the speed of my recovery. Already after the first treatment I left as a different person. The heavy pressure on my body and soul had disappeared and they never came back. I had the feeling as if I was floating across the street when I walked back to the car. What a change after three years of dragging on. In the days following the first treatment the warmth returned in my body, my kidneys worked overtime to get rid of toxins and my bowels worked at high speed. After the second treatment my feet were warm and stayed that way. After the third treatment I could walk our daughter to her school and I could reproduce what my husband had said to me ten minutes before. After the fourth treatment a could enjoy a glass of wine. After the fifth treatment I ate a piece of chocolate and wanted to drink a cup of coffee. I walked with my chin up, hopped with my daughter across the street and for the first time in years I was not exhausted any more at seven in the evening. A miracle ? No, the i-health autogenic frequency therapy. After the sixth treatment I noticed that my skin became smooth and soft and began to shine, I could cope with stress-situations and made little walks with my family. The usual repercussion of being entirely exhausted after I did too much stayed away. Inside I was completely euphoric, but from the outside I remained cautious because maybe it was just a temporary improvement. After the seventh treatment the improvements came in small increments. The hole in the dam was repaired and the foundation of my health, vitality and mental resilience was restored during the next 7 treatments.
Of course I am tired sometimes, but then I lay down on the coach for 20 minutes and I am fit as a fiddle again. And of course somewhere in a dark corner I am still concerned about a relapse, because I am somebody who does twenty things at one time. I am working on my condition through a responsible fitness program. I am very much aware that I have been so very lucky, because my recovery went so fast. Three years of battle were resolved by a couple of weeks of autogenic frequency therapy. Absolutely fabulous.
Not everyone's recovery from ME is this fast. Every person is unique and so are the stories of their recovery.
D. B.
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